


Rebuild and Repair

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 5 Things, 5+1 Things, Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fuck Sazed (The Adventure Zone), M/M, Non-graphic rape/noncon, Past rape/noncon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 15:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12192963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 10 years and the snapshots of healing within them.Or: Five times Taako says he's okay and the time he means it.





	Rebuild and Repair

**Author's Note:**

> Part one of this fic has an abusive relationship between Taako and Sazed as well as shown verbal abuse and unshown rape/noncon from Sazed. If this is upsetting, triggering, or otherwise uncomfortable it isn't necessary to read that part of the fic. It is also brought up again later during five verbally.

**One**

Taako was working on a new routine when he felt hands sneak around his waist and a body pressed against his back. He nearly jumps out of his skin, getting a laugh out of his partner.

“It’s just me babe,” Sazed says in his ear.

Taako smiles and says, “I know, you just snuck up on me.”

“What are you working on?”

He tries to wriggle out of his grasp and thankfully Sazed lets go. “New routine for the chicken and rosemary stew. It’s simple and there’s not much special I’m doing with it now so I’m thinking something more flashy will bring it together, really get people into it.”

Sazed steps forward and holds him again, planting a kiss on his head. “You know exactly what I like to see.”

Taako isn’t willing to tell him that he doesn’t do the show for him. He knows how he gets when he’s jealous.

“Speaking of what I like to see, you want to come to bed?” he asks.

Taako’s brushed him off the last couple of times he’s asked. He’s been tired and focused on the show. Trying to keep it fresh takes considerable time and spell slots.

“Not tonight, Taako’s not really feeling it and I’m low on spell slots.” He tries to let him down easy.

“That’s what you said the last four times. Starting to think you don’t want me around.”

“C’mon babe, you know that’s not true.”

“Can’t help but think it, you act so cold to me sometimes.”  
“I just need to focus on the show. There’s no way we could stay together if I didn’t have the money for it.”  
“It’s always about the damn show isn’t it?” he says coldly.  
“I can read between the lines, Saze. Just because Sizzle it Up is important doesn’t mean you aren’t.”  
“Then act like it,” he says as he grips Taako’s arm, hard. Taako has a moment of panic, not wanting this to turn into a physical fight.  
“Sazed, let go.”

Surprisingly he does but he immediately goes to his room to pack his things. He does this every few months.

“I get you’re pissed that I’m focusing on work but you don’t need to have a whole tantrum over it,” he says. When Sazed glares at him he flinches.

“Oh I’m having a tantrum? You don’t care at all about this relationship and you act more interested in random audience members than me but you couldn’t even run your show if I wasn’t here. If you could you wouldn’t be so desperate to keep me from walking out. You expect so much but you’re not willing to give anything, as an employer or as a boyfriend. Act like you care for once.” As he yells Taako walks back, making sure he’s out of his range and he can run for the door.

“I don’t care about the audience more than you I’m just tired and trying to be realistic. It’s not like we never do anything,” Taako says, trying to go on the defensive.

“Just shut the fuck up already.”

“Sazed-” he starts.

“I’m tired of you lying to me.”

Taako decides to give in and try to de-escalate the situation.

“Sazed listen, I’m sorry. I mean it. I know I’m worrying too much about myself but I mean it when I say I care about you more.”

When he doesn’t respond Taako continues.

“Sorry. Listen, let’s go to bed and stop fighting. I’ll show you how much I want you around.” He tries to flirt but it’s halfhearted. He doesn’t want this, he just wants to make him stay and wants to stop feeling terrified that he’ll end up with bruises and marks that he can't easily explain to a cleric.

“You’re just saying that because you’re scared of me leaving.”

“I’m not. I shouldn’t be neglecting this relationship so much.”

He gets up from where he’s packing and steps closer. Taako forces himself not to take a step back in response.

“Do you mean that?”

“Hell yes, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

Sazed steps closer again and brings him into an embrace and Taako can’t suppress the shudder that runs through him or force his ears to stop drooping.

“Then I guess you weren’t lying.”

 

An hour later Taako is sore and feeling more miserable than if Sazed had left. When Taako is assured it’s safe he slips out of bed. He casts a spell to make his clothes fall into place, he just wants to be wearing something as quickly as possible. He heads out until he’s a safe distance from the caravan before he starts throwing spells at trees. He only has cantrips but it’s enough to distract him.

He yells and casts spells until he’s too tired to keep trying. When he’s done he stands there and surveys the damage, mostly ice from the ray of frost. It feels good, like he has some modicum of control over his situation. Like he could fight off Sazed if he came out here since he’s warmed up for a fight. The illusion is broken when he heads back, undresses, and slips back into bed.

 

He wakes up to Sazed holding him. “Morning,” he says. His voice is quiet and soft, nothing like the fight from last night. 

Taako hums in response.

“I’m sorry for all that stuff last night, it’s just you make me so angry sometimes. You know how you are babe.”

“I know, it’s okay,” he says quickly.

He doesn’t mean it.

\------

**Two**

When Taako meets Magnus and Merle his life takes a turn for the better. After Glamour Springs he spent his time hiding from the law, stealing when necessary, and taking basic adventuring jobs. It’s hard but he scrapes by. And now he’s living on the moon and doing a job only he and three others can do.

He’s defeated other magic users without batting an eye, he’s done some impressive stunts of magic other wizards could only dream of, and he’s got two teammates backing him up that he doesn’t trust now but he may learn to. He feels like he’s riding a high that’ll be difficult to fuck up.

Unfortunately a high doesn’t erase issues he’s had for years. Magnus and Merle both know about his transmutation issues with food from the tavern when they first met. Sometimes when he eats he’ll give up on eating altogether if it gets too bad, not wanting to risk a visit to The Raven Queen.

Today is one of his bad days.

Magnus knocks on his door far too early, when he’d ideally still be sleeping.

“Taako, we have training today. Merle went ahead and I don’t think The Director will let us be late,” he says. His voice is slightly muffled by the door.  
“Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready,” Taako says back. 

He spends four of those five minutes trying to make himself get out of bed. The last minute is spent grabbing the umbrastaff, casting a quick spell to fix his hair, and throwing on some clothes.

The training goes about the same as usual. Magnus spars with Taako and Merle in turns to make sure everyone is up to speed on non-magical combat. Taako shoots spells at the both of them to practice dodging. Merle tries to heal them with varying levels of success. By the time they’re done three hours have passed and they’re headed towards the cafeteria.

Taako immediately knows something is wrong when the water he grabs turns to orange juice. When he tries to turn it back it changes into acid. Luckily his attempt to turn it into stone to prevent it from damaging anything works. If Magnus and Merle notice they don’t comment.

The issue becomes more apparent when the sandwich Magnus brings him turns into a grilled cheese from chicken. He brushes it off and tries to eat it. About halfway through he turns it into a small block of cheese.

“Dammit,” he says to himself.

“Do you want some of mine?” Magnus offers.

“No, I think I’m gonna sit the rest of this meal out. I don’t think anyone wants a repeat of the tavern.”

“In fairness that meat table probably had a good 20 steaks in it. I don’t think they’ll hold anything against you if you give them a bit of free food,” Merle says.

Despite Merle’s reassurances he doesn’t risk eating anything else. He doesn’t transmute the table and he manages to drink some more water without turning it into something else. 

 

This continues for the next month to the point where it’s nearly impossible to eat a full meal. Eating has become a nightmare with every bite leading to worry that this might be the time he poisoned it again. The fear never comes, obviously, but it doesn’t help any.

After dinner one night, or rather a lack of it, Magnus pulls him aside. 

“Hey, Taako, are you okay?” he asks, the question having more weight in the tone than the words.

“You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific than that Mags.”

He takes a breath and Taako can tell he’s choosing his words carefully. “It’s just over the past few weeks you seem like you haven’t been doing well, especially when it comes to eating. Merle and I are just worried.”

Taako doesn’t give an inch. “I appreciate the concern Maggie but I’m okay. Things will be back to normal eventually, give it a bit of time.”

Magnus doesn’t catch his bluff check. “Alright, just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he says, “You’re important to both of us.” Taako can tell he means it.

He doesn’t tease him for being sincere. “I know.”

\------

**Three**

When Taako sees the no sodium salt shaker at the Fantasy Costco it’s hard to not snatch it off the shelf as soon as he finds out what it does. Lucky for him Garfield doesn’t notice and mark up the price. He spends the next week trying it out, both on things he cooks and things he buys. The salt never turns pink.

Taako focuses more on what's happening, not able to afford getting to distracted thinking about the salt shaker. Angus had shown up with perfect timing for his magic lesson, he hasn’t missed one except for by a few minutes.

“Hello Sir! It’s magic day again!” he says. He's nearly bouncing off the walls from excitement, same as ever. 

He lets him in. “You have your wand and the spell components I asked you to bring?”

“Yes sir, they weren’t too difficult to get ahold of.”

“Alright, good. We’re working on simple conjuration magic, just picking up where we left off last week.”

Angus gets out his wand.

“I want to make sure we aren’t missing anything so can you try casting produce flame?”

Angus casts the spell without a hitch. The flame is steady and Taako can’t see anything wrong with it or the technique.

“Next step, try using it against me.”

Angus immediately looks distressed. “I don’t want to accidentally hurt you, sir.”

“I’m the best wizard the bureau has ever seen, I’ll be fine. If I’m not we have a cleric for a reason bubbeleh.”

“Alright…” When he casts the spell it’s a bit hesitant and not as powerful as it could be but that’s on Angus holding back, not his skill. They continue to practice and Angus slowly becomes more confident with the spell until Taako is sure he has it down.

“That should be good for today Agnes.”

“Thank you for the magic lesson! I really appreciate it.”

“Sure. Do you want lunch or do you want to go?”

His face falls, “I thought- what about what you said on Candlenights?”

Taako tries to recover. “I’m trying to cook again. Magic items do a hell of a lot to help with it,” he says. 

“Then I’d like to eat here. I don’t think I want Garfield to make me spend so much on a sandwich again. His deals seem a lot better when you're hungry.”

They both head to the kitchen. “So what do you want?”

“Anything is fine!”

Taako begins working on a steak sandwich. It’s probably a bit too much for Angus but he knows Merle or Magnus will eat any leftovers. He’ll admit it to himself, it’s nice to be cooking for someone again. It makes him nervous as hell and it’s not nearly as flashy but nice, regardless. Angus watches him from a perch on the edge of the counter as he works. When he has the sandwich assembled Angus reaches for it and Taako quickly stops him.

“Hang on a minute Agnes, I have to check something first.”

He uses the salt shaker and is relieved when the food checks out. Even now, being as careful as he is, he’s worried there’s been a fluke and Angus will have to be rushed to the medbay.

Nothing happens and when he’s done Taako can’t help but feel relief.

“Are you alright sir?”

He must look nervous. “I’m okay Angus, just not feeling so hot.”

“I hope you feel better soon, also you didn’t get my name wrong that time!”

“Don’t get too used to it,” he says even as he smiles.

\------

**Four**

At first he isn’t sure how things will go with Kravitz. He’s incredibly attractive and he seems to think the same about Taako but there’s a bit of nerves and worry that Taako is just assuming things. After their first date he’s no longer worried and by the second he’s nearly head over heels. It scares him if he’s being honest.

Today is his third date with Kravitz. He spent a good chunk of the evening trying to convince Merle and Magnus to leave the apartment without letting them know that he had a date. He eventually slipped up and told them the truth without Zone of Truth, much to Merle’s disappointment.

The last two dates were fancy, a wine and pottery date followed by a night in Neverwinter, so he wants to change it up a little with takeout and seeing where the night takes them. He waits for Kravitz and he shows up a bit late as usual. 

“Sorry I’m late, I got tied up with some liches,” he says, accent in full effect.

“It’s fine, I know your job isn’t exactly one with a schedule.”

“Still, I feel bad. This is the third time I showed up late,” he says as he closes the portal.

“As long as you don’t get pulled away early this time I don’t mind.”

“If Raven calls I’ll try to convince someone else to take the job then,” he says, finally dropping the accent. 

Kravitz handles ordering the takeout, pizza, and Taako tries to find some wine he thinks Kravitz will like. Maybe pizza and wine isn’t the best combination but it’s a lazy evening. When he finally finds it he makes a mental note to keep things more organized.

They spend the night talking and drinking. Kravitz looks at Taako as intently as he listens to whatever Taako talks about. It’s not hard for Taako to do the same.

Partway through an explanation of macarons Kravitz interrupts, “Can I kiss you?”

Taako is a little caught off guard. “Sure,” he says.

When Kravitz kisses him it’s quick and more of a peck than a kiss but it’s nice. Taako immediately goes in for another kiss.

Kravitz stops him before he gets a third. “This isn’t weird or anything?”

“Why would it be?”

“I just remember the pottery date and how cold my hands were.”

“Oh! No I don’t mind.” Suddenly Kravitz being wary about touching him unless he started it makes a lot more sense. “If you want to touch me worst that’ll happen is I’ll be cold.”

Kravitz goes in to hold him at that. They kiss more before Taako continues talking about cooking and the last few missions for the relics. They end up falling asleep on the couch, even though neither of them need to.

Taako wakes up to the door opening and the sound of a voice.

“Taako I know you have this date but it’s midnight and Carey and Killian won’t let us stay over so we’re kicking your boyfriend out,” he says. Taako identifies it as Merle once he wakes up a bit more.

He tries to sit up and Kravitz lets go of him. “Sorry, fell asleep,” he says. Kravitz sits up next to him.

“Is that Kravitz?” Magnus asks.

“You got it. I was gonna keep it to us for a little longer but I’ve been dating him for a couple weeks now.”

“Hello,” Kravitz says, accent back in effect.

“Oh my gods, drop the accent,” Taako says, laughing.

“Well I’ll leave you two to it,” Merle says as he shuffles Magnus out of the room. Magnus looks like he has some questions and Taako throws Merle a thankful look. He makes a mental note to cook madeleines for him later.

Taako and Kravitz look at each other for a moment. “Do you want to stay for the rest of the night?” Taako eventually asks.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s up to you, boychik.”

Kravitz thinks about it for a minute. “I think it might be better for me to go, since I don’t know either of them that well. Is that alright with you?”

“It’s okay. You can meet them next time you come around. Though heads up, expect a couple prying questions. Double that warning if Ango is with us,” Taako says. He’s a bit disappointed Kravitz doesn’t want to stay but he knows it’s just nerves.

“I’ll keep it in mind.” He kisses Taako, “See you next week?”

“Hell yes. Also, your turn to pick somewhere to go.”

Kravitz smiles as he opens a portal and steps through it.

\------

**Five**

It takes three months for the full effects of Refuge and the Temporal Chalice to hit him. During the first week he felt numb and tired. After that he started his romance with Kravitz and it put off the majority of the panic attack that was building. Most of the effects had been relegated to nightmares. He almost thought he was in the clear especially due to his mood being at an all time high.

It hit him when he was practicing combat with Merle. It wasn’t anything specific that started it, he just got to thinking about magic, then transmutation. Soon his mind was wandering and his attention was less on the fight until he got to Sazed. After that he finished the fight and rushed to his room.

He feels like he’s underwater. Everything is slow as he curls up on his bed, covering his ears and breathing unevenly. How did he not notice, how did he not fucking notice? It wasn’t like he was a great partner to begin with. There were red flags all over the place. Hell not even red flags, he was already being hurt.

He opens his eyes and everything is too bright. On autopilot he calls Kravitz on his stone of farspeech. He wants to stop, wants to handle this on his own like he used to, like he does. He holds onto the stone and the umbrastaff, like if he let go of either he’d float away.

“Kravitz, are you busy?” he says in the most even voice he can manage.

“Yes but I can be pulled away if necessary. Are you alright?” Too even then.

“I’m fine, just wanted to see you,” he says.

Kravitz pauses and Taako is terrified the line disconnected for a moment, panicking more and less all at once. “I’ll be there in about 10 minutes.”

Taako wants to yell at him that he doesn’t want him to come here, wants to insist he’s okay. Instead he hangs up the line and lays there. It feels like hours before he hears the tearing of reality and Kravitz stepping through the portal.

“Taako?” he says, stepping over to him.

He makes a small sound of recognition.

Kravitz sits next to him. “Can I touch you?”

Taako nods and feels a hand on his. He sits up and Kravitz holds him.

“Do you want to talk?”

Taako nods again before trying to find his words. “This is so fucking stupid of me, I can’t believe I called you like this.”

“It’s fine that you did. I’m glad you did for that matter,” he says. When he touches Taako’s hair he flinches. Kravitz immediately stops.

He holds Taako until his breathing evens and he feels like he’s more in the present.

“What caused this?” Kravitz asks, then rushes to say, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Even through the panic Taako wants to smile at him for the reassurance. Kravitz needs to know this. This will happen again at some point. Better to rip the bandaid off while he’s already down for the count.

“There’s a lot of stuff I haven’t told you about me. Partially because it’s not that important. Partially because a lot of it is shitty.” He stops and takes a breath to calm himself down. “When we went to Refuge the relic we saw offered us a chance to fix something from the past. I saw myself poison 40 people.”

He expects Kravitz to let him go, to leave him alone, to do something. Instead he holds him as Taako pauses again and gasps a few shaky breaths.

“I found out it wasn’t my fault. I had this assistant, Sazed, and turns out he poisoned them and pinned the crime on me. He was always a shitty person and I know it’s not on me but I could’ve stopped him or eaten the food he poisoned or noticed what was wrong or something. I mean on the bright side I don’t have to feel so bad about it.” He forces a laugh as he shakes and pretends his voice sounds normal.

Kravitz collects his thoughts before speaking. “I don’t know everything about you and Sazed and if you want to tell me I’ll be there to listen. If you don’t I’ll respect your decision. No matter what you tell me or whatever happened, his crime is not your fault. I wish there was more I could do to help but I’ll be here as long as you need me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it but I need to tell you this in case this happens again. I’d rather feed his name to the Voidfish and see how the asshole deals with it. That or a second Voidfish so I can forget him.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you’re not ready.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be but now’s as good a time as any bubbeleh.” He slowly feels like he’s out of the water and back in his body again, like he’s choosing to say this rather than working off of autopilot. “With everything he did I should’ve expected something like this.”

“Taako, what he did was on him.”

“The worst part is I know that. I’ve been wrestling with this for years but it still seems like I should’ve done something.”

“You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to and if you want me to leave and get Magnus or Merle I will. Did he abuse you?”

Taako feels the water flow back over him like he wasn’t here for even a moment. “Yes.” His voice sounds far away, almost muffled.

“Did he do anything else?” Taako hears the unasked question, did he assault you.

“Yes.”

Taako looks him in the eyes, terrified of seeing pity, anger, disgust, something else entirely. If anything he just looks remorseful. 

“Can I touch your hair?” he asks.

Taako nods and says, “Knock yourself out.” 

Kravitz undoes the tight braid he had done for combat practice, now messy and out of place. He does a new, loose one. It calms him down and brings him back again.

“Is this going to change things for us?” Taako asks.

“I won’t lie and say it won’t. If it helps it won’t be for the worse.”

Taako holds tighter to Kravitz as he continues to stroke his hair. Eventually he feels a little better and like he can handle being alone again.

“Are you alright?” Kravitz asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Taako lies.

An hour later when Kravitz is assured Taako will be safe he leaves. He gives Taako a smaller emergency stone of farspeech on a necklace, just in case this happens again. Once he leaves Taako immediately is greeted by both sleep and nightmares.

\------

**Plus One**

After Wonderland and The Day of Story and Song Taako’s life becomes a whirlwind. He’s suddenly far more famous than he could’ve dreamed, got a boyfriend who he knows is as in love with him as he is, and has a sister with a decade of catching up to do. He’s started making plans for building a brand based off his name. Maybe he’ll open a restaurant too.

It’s mid-afternoon when Lup pops into the kitchen, off of work.

“Hey Koko, what’re you working on?” she asks when she sees him sitting at a table with papers strewn all over it.

“Trying to get some stuff in line. I’ve got name recognition unlike anyone else so I’ve gotta cash in on that while I’ve got the chance.”

“Anything specific?”

“Maybe a restaurant but otherwise a little bit of everything.”

She looks over his finances a little bit, checking his math here and there. When dinner starts to roll around he cleans off the table and switches from work to cooking.

“Hang on, before you start I’ve got an idea for something,” Lup says.

“Shoot.”

“Do you remember the pasta we had around cycle 80?”

“Which pasta?” he asks. 80 in particular had been a good year for food.

“The one with the cheese and chicken. I think a woman named Maria made it.”

Taako eventually comes up with the memory of staying in a cold village in the north with a woman who was especially welcoming to them and the rest of the IPRE. “Yeah I remember. That sounds good, I think Kravitz will like that.”

They spend a minute planning it out and thinking of the best ingredients to go with it. They end up short with a few spices.

“We could save this for another day if you aren’t up for transmuting anything,” Lup offers.

“I’ve got a magic salt shaker for this very purpose. Long as it tastes good we’ll be fine.”

Taako does the magic with a bit of nerves but he manages. A quick test and the ingredients all come back looking fine. The twins begin working, both out of practice from their years away from the kitchen. You couldn’t tell unless you knew them.

Halfway through the process Kravitz comes in but doesn’t say anything other than a quick hello, not wanting to get in the way.

When they finish Lup adds a few extra touches and Taako does a final test with the salt-shaker.

Lup heads out to find Barry while Kravitz and Taako start eating. It tastes about as good as Taako remembers. They managed to get the ingredients just right.

“Taako this is amazing,” Kravitz says.

He smiles. “Make sure Lup hears that when she comes back, she helped convince me to do the transmutation for it.”

Lup eventually comes in with Barry and they spend most of the time talking until Lup pulls Taako away.

“Taako, can I talk to you about something?” she asks when Barry and Kravitz split into their own conversation.

“Sure,” he says. He gives Kravitz a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll be back in a minute, Lup wants to talk to me about something.”

They head outside the house and sit a minute before Taako breaks the ice. “So what’s up Lulu?”

“I heard some news and I think it’d be best if I told you myself rather than you hearing about it.”

“Shit, is it anything bad?”

“No if anything it’s good. I’m just not sure if it’s a good idea to tell you yet.”

“I’d rather know than not.”

She takes a breath before saying, “Sazed turned himself in at Glamour Springs a week ago. Kravitz and I decided to keep it between us until we could find a good time to tell you.”

Taako stares at the sky in the distance, the oranges from the sunset dimming into evening. “Kinda wish I could’ve turned him in myself or that you would’ve gotten the chance to kick his ass.”

“I’m a reaper now, I can do the last one in,” she pauses to think, “maybe 20 or so years, give or take.”

“Thanks for telling me. If I’m being honest I’ve been scared of him showing up since he knows where I am now.”

“Even if he somehow manages to break out we’ve got your back.”

“Hey, Lup?”

“Yeah?”

“I missed you.”

“Missed you too, Koko.”

When they head back they spend most of the night talking until Barry and Lup head back to their home. Taako gives Lup a hug and tries to disguise just how much he wants her to stay. Taako curls up against Kravitz on the couch, kissing and enjoying the cold compared to the hot summer.

“Taako?”

“Hm?”

“What did Lup talk to you about?”

“She told me about Sazed turning himself in. After all the shit he did to me I can’t believe he turned out to be that scared of me.”

Taako closes his eyes and curls up closer to Kravitz, trying to bury his face in his chest.

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. I am. I feel like shit sometimes, I think we all do, but I think it’s getting better. I’ve got my sister back, I feel like I can trust people again, I’ve got a whole brand on the rise, I’ve got you. Better yet my abuser,” he struggles to say the word, “isn’t even out to hurt me anymore. It’s not perfect but it’s better than I’ve been in a decade.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He moves Taako and gives him a gentle kiss, one that Taako tries his best to lengthen. “I love you.”

“Love you too, boychik.”

“You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

This time he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> edit 5/4/18: It's been quite a while since I wrote this fic and while I don't regret writing it I do have a few issues with it. I wrote it in a bad place and it is largely a product of the stuff I had going on at the time. While it was and is important to me as an expression of my emotions and a part of processing and venting them I have made the decision to orphan this fic considering why and how I wrote it as well as feeling generally dissatisfied with the writing.


End file.
